So I am involved in a very different contest that you will all see is actually PERFECT for me. You know how generally I am all about the cooking contest? Well, get this — I spent most of my life banned from the kitchen! And for very good reason…
I’m part of a “blog-off” (there’s just a handful of us!) sponsored by The Pampered Chef. Each of us has been asked to share our funniest kitchen disaster story on our blog. The blogger with the most comments and responses wins a $3,500 kitchen tool makeover, where they will stock my kitchen with TPC tools and gadgets of my choice, such as the fabulous Knife Block Set or the functional Stainless Cookware Set and also $125 towards SpaFinder!
So, here’s MY kitchen disaster story:
When I was in college, I lived with my parents. At one point, they went away for several weeks in the summer to visit my grandma, and left me with the apartment to myself. My only job: Feed the fish and not let anything blow up.
I failed on both accounts.
One afternoon, I had a male visitor and I decided to play Suzy Homemaker and make us dinner. (Or my version there of) – at that time, that meant getting Chinese takeout.
Back in those days, I ate all sorts of naughtiness, and had ordered spare ribs — they came in a foil packet. Without thinking, later in the afternoon, I threw the ribs in the microwave to warm them up…in the foil packet. It started to smoke! Within a minute, there was a crater that had formed at the top of the microwave…it had begun to melt from within!
Scared to death my parents were going to KILL ME upon my return, I decided I needed a drink, and decided to play hostess again and make us “adult coffee”. Suddenly, my date had an idea — why don’t we put muslide mix in the coffee pot, instead of water, and use that as the brewing agent? BRILLIANT. Except that didn’t work. And the smell never got out.
In the course of an hour, I destroyed the microwave and the coffee pot. I was so overwrought by this whole series of events that I completely forgot to feed the fish, too. That day, the next…and for the next week. It eventually died…and was decomposing in its own filth by the time my parents returned from their trip.
I was never allowed in their kitchen ever again.
Love my story? Hate it? Think I’m an idiot? Comment below! The sweepstakes will launch today at 10 AM, so, starting then, please just comment on this entry as much as possible. The blogger with the most comments on April 15, 2011 at 12:00 PM wins! Join me on my journey to win by fanning “The Pampered Chef” on Facebook!
**** Spill it with me! For your chance to win the prize — that would be the SAME PRIZE AS ME! — please ALSO share your own disaster story (in addition to here on my blog) on www.facebook.com/ThePamperedChef (under the “contests” tab) before Friday at noon!
AlyWalansky.com 
I have to admit, the brewing of alcohol in a coffeemaker never crossed my mind… but it is rather brilliant 🙂
Best of luck-loved your story!
I came to this post from your facebook link the least you could have done was post a laugh out loud disclaimer! Thanks, it’s been a very stressful day, er week, er month, this was MUCH needed! ‘Adult Coffee’ love it!
OOPS! LOL 🙂
OMG! That is the funniest story ever!
Wow Aly!!! My kitchen disaster is not as bad, but I will share anyway. Mine is more of a cooking disaster. When I was dating my now husband, I was staying at his place and wanted to cook him breakfast. He ran out to get the paper and I found a chocolate chip muffin mix in the cabinet. I thought – how hard could this be? I noticed the recipe called for oil. There was no oil in the place except for a ceasar flavored one. I thought – ok, it’s still oil. I threw it in the mix followed the rest of the directions and baked. Suddenly the kitchen smelled of burnt ceasear salad – just awful!! I assumed the ceasar taste would bake out as the muffin mix did its thing. He came home and took a bite of one, made a face, and actually ate the entire thing. I took a bite and spit it out. They were awful!! Long story short we threw the rest of the batch out!! We will be married 8 years and he still torments me about my “Chocolate Chip Ceasar Muffins!!”
Hahaha. Love this story. Suzy Homemaker you are not – but I think you’ve found your niche elsewhere. Best of luck!
Uh….don’t give up your day job. I’ll alert Daniel Boulard he has nothing to worry about. 🙂
LOL!!!! Excellent story! Although, I am sad that a fish had to die because of your kitchen disaster!!!!
Aww, poor fish 😦
Sounds like some of my dates
You brought traif into the house, so God spoke. Much safer to stick to tofu.
Coffee makers can be so confusing. I tried to use one this weekend at a hotel and had to calls someone from the front desk to show me how it worked.
Wow that is crazy and for some reason from the start of the story had a feeling the fish was not going to make it lol. To be young again lol.
You are not the only one that has killed a microwave but your story did have me laughing. Too bad you didn’t see the dead fish before they came home – you could have purchased a new one :). Not look at how your life has changed and how in control you are in the kitchen @treetrout1
Yay Aly! Win it!
I’ve never been able to keep a fish alive either, which is why I consider it a small victory that I’m able to mother a dog!
Classic! Too funny. I’ve had my share of microwave stories too. 🙂
Aly – you have me BEAT. My husband owned very successful restaurants in Providence and Newport, RI (as well as a backstage catering company for celebrities, etc.). When we met, I couldn’t cook at all (and you might very well question if I can now..LOL). I simply took food home from one of his restaurants, each night. He on the other hand was a WONDERFUL cook. When I say that I couldn’t even boil an egg or make tuna, I mean it.
I decided to make tuna salad and noticed the cuisinart on the counter. Figuring that I could just toss the can in with some mayo and then make sandwiches for the two of us, I did just that. A couple of whrrls and the result?
Tuna and Mayo SOUP. It was the most disgusting liquid you ever saw.
Good luck and I HOPE you win.
hahahaha zippy, that’s SO SO SO something i’d do too!!! xoxo
Hilarious! You and my sister should be friends. She catchex things on fire in the microwave regularly. 🙂
Had I known this before, I would have been more apprehensive the handful of times you were in MY kitchen.
G-d intervened and blew up the microwave before your mother found out what was in it! LOL
Great story, Aly! That’s difficult to top!
OMG ~ Please don’t ever come to my house and offer to cook!
Glad u got out alive!
So funny, Aly!! You HAVE to win based on that story!!
Oh no! I feel your pain! I swear every time I have an “accident” it just escalates from one thing to another. When I was in college I was renting a house that still had fuses and little did I know that if you use more than 1 appliance at a time you would blow them! I was “making” dinner and had the microwave and toaster oven going and it blew, so I moved the toaster oven to the living room because I didn’t want to take the time to go down and replace the fuse. Who knew it would decide at this moment to start on fire! I freaked out and the first thing I thought of was the pot of water I had on the stove that I was boiling my dog’s marrow bones in, so I ran and grabbed it and dumped it. Yeah, I dumped nasty greasy water all over my living room 😥 What a mess!
Too funny! Hope that didn’t dampen the mood with the male friend 😉
🙂 You just keep at it girl!
This might be my favorite disaster story of all time! Love it!!
Glad you learned by your mistakes early on before too too much damage was done!
that is worth a 2nd and 3rd read 🙂 – thanks for the laugh @treetrout1
Love your story, made me laugh 🙂 I don’t really have a big disaster story. I’m good at burning food almost every night.
hi there! I’m one of the other bloggers participating in the contest and finally have a minute to read everyone’s posts. your story is so funny, love it! and so happy to have found you…”see” you around!! 🙂
LOL, i almost burnt my kitchen down once as well. I was cooking bluefish and the oil caught on fire!
Great story, Aly! Good luck!
OMG!!! That’s way too funny!!! I totally understand the wanting to be an ‘adult’ thing especially being left on your own. Who wouldn’t want to entertain and have some ‘adult’ coffee?!?! LOVE IT!!!
And I thought at age 35 I am loosing my mind by forgetting something:).
Did your parents ever let you back in the kitchen?
Love it!! So funny – I’ve had plenty of my own horror stories, but you have such a way with words:) Good luck and I hope you win!!
Good Luck Aly, even I can’t beat that story!!
So, you survived the disaster and the aftermath once your parents came home! Awesome! While in high school, I accidentally set my parents’ microwave on fire after warming up some pizza on a paper plate a little too long. You know, they should have a Teenagers’ guide to kitchen appliances!
GOOD LUCK!
Oh Please Aly get your act together before you burn your
place down!